BLANQ TALKS

Why do I feel like I’m going to be a spinster?!??? >

SELOS

yung moment na selos na selos ka na pero tuloy ka pa rin sa pag-tukso sa kanila. Kase importante sayo ang kaibigan mo at nakikita mo na masaya sya kapag kasama nya yung taong gusto mo. Parang feeling mo pwede ka ng ipag-patayo ng rebulto dahil sa pagiging martyr mo.

Tapos mai-isip mo, bakit yung taong gusto mo hindi man lang ginagawa sayo yung mga bagay na sweet na ginagawa nya sa kaibigan mo (dinala lang naman nya sa isang kainan na pang-lovers ang kaibigan mo). Ang lungkot diba? Ang sakit. Nai-isip mo sana ikaw na lang. Ang tagal mo na rin naman naghihintay.

Sana ako na lang.
Sana ako na lang.

The weed metaphor: EFF YOU WEED!

So we worked on our garden today and I was assigned by my dad to pull out the weeds. So to enjoy the annoying task (who enjoys taking out weeds?!!), I let my English minor student side to take over:

My attempts to forget my feelings for him failed because I only kept on pulling out the external signs. I depended my reasoning solely on the science of attraction. I realized I had to rake out my heart and pull out the roots: the memories, the feelings, my longing, my hopes, my wish, my dreams. The internal ones. The weed was rooted deep in my heart. It had a firm foothold. All these years, since high school, my love for him accumulated and became widespread.

I tried to pull him out. It took so much effort. There were some weeds that were just too stubborn to leave their spot. I was frustrated. I kept on shoveling and pulling the damn weed. I knew he would always come back. His roots were inside of me, lingering.

Then I had a wound. I hit my hand hard on the brick. It hurt. It bled. It left a scar.
Damn weed!

Isn’t all these labour enough? You’re just a weed anyway. No matter how beautiful my garden is, you’re just making it ugly. You’re a pest. You don’t care about my efforts. You don’t care about my feelings. You don’t care about me. You’re just a weed that keeps on scarring my beautiful garden. You don’t deserve a spot there. You don’t… you don’t… you don’t…  

There always comes a time where you just want to stop. You want to care of yourself. You realize that it’s just not going anywhere. You’re not being reciprocated. Then you will suddenly feel tired. Then you will give up. Then you will realize that all this time, you are wrong. You thought you’ll be happy with that person… but no. You will actually be happy without that person.

GOODBYE.

HAPPY HUMP DAY (literally!)

I went biking today with my friend, Joy =D I officially called it our HUMP DAY hahahaha! Who would’ve thought biking can be sexual? XD I kept on unconsciously caressing the pointy part of my seat, and then there was the mounting part, then the humping… I need to go to confession SOON x.x haha!

Anyway, my crotch is hurting right now… I have sunburned hands… the colour of my legs and thighs are contrasting, and my palms are sore x.x But I love it! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I wanna bike again! =D hehe…

On a side note, the green-eyed monster inhabits me again. I know I must not feel like this. He isn’t mine anyway. But the thought of Cassio and Desdemona are together… just the two of them… it gives me pain. I’m jealous. I’m really jealous. I wanna rant more but what’s the point? *sigh~

I read on twitter: if you’ve been holding on to a person and nothing is happening, letting go is not the solution. Acceptance.

ACCEPTANCE.

New Hedley song!

jacobhoggardismyhusband:

So, for those of you who do not know, Hedley announced last night on Canada’s Got Talent that THIS FRIDAY they are releasing a brand new song. Today, they’ve been tweeting lyrics from this song and we have to put them in order.

So, first I read this tweet

And I thought “Cute! It’s going to be a really cute slow song.” <3

Then I read this tweet

And thought “Okay…I that could still work, I guess”

Then I saw Dave’s tweet 

“Okay, WHAT THE FUCK?”

(via hot-hot-mess)

Sublimation: 1

Professor Gabe is waiting for a few more minutes before starting the lecture. He sits at his desk doing what he loves to do: observing people. He is quite young to be a professor. And I have to admit, he is a quite good looking professor. His dark brown hair, his green eyes and his awesome (sexual) sense of humour makes him loved by students (I am one of them!) I look forward to Wednesdays where I can sit for 3 hours listening to Professor Gabe’s life narrative Psychology course. I look forward to group discussions. Even if it’s a 3-hour class, Professor Gabe makes the course fun so you won’t really realize that the class is almost over.

There will be a 10-minute grace. So I dig my backpack and take out my novel for my English narrative course: Jane Austen’s “Pride and Prejudice.” I am busily reading, my imagination in sync with what I’m reading when I suddenly feel like there are eyes staring at me. That’s an advantage of being a woman. You can sense when someone is staring at you (or is that also a guy’s gift?) Anyway, when I lifted my head to where my intuition tells me, I saw sour-face looking at me, smiling. Smiling? Smiling! (Holy shit he is smiling!) He seems like he is enjoying his view because his smile is just so— and his reaction goes sour again. His face turns sour before I even have the chance to indulge on his smile. I will tell you more about sour-face later.

So my friend, Julianne, saw what happened. That 3-second moment with sour-face has been witnessed by my friend, which made me blush like a tomato! So after sour-face turned his attention to his friend, Julianne whispered to me,

“I saw that,” displaying a mischievous grin. (EVIL!!!)
“Saw what?” I ask innocently. I am trying to look at sour-face because he might be watching.
“ You and Constantine exchanging glances,” and she adds an unnecessary wink. (REALLY EVIL!!!)
“You were imagining things, my friend.”
“Then why are you blushing?”
“Because…”

Then I gave up. I start giggling. The ticklish feeling in my gut is just too hard to ignore. “So I wasn’t imagining, right? He was really looking at me?” I ask Julianne, trying to speak in my lowest voice. And my friend nods. I can’t stop smiling so I just bowed my head and let my hair cover my face. I think my smile is reaching my ears already!

I steal a glance at sour-face. He is talking to his friend, Jake. I wish he is always smiling. And I wish I am the reason why he does so. He is not that good looking. But there’s a certain charisma in him that really attracts me. He is the bad boy type, actually. He always wears black or grey shirts. I never see him wear any colour besides those two. He is wearing black stud earrings.  And he has a right cartilage piercing.  Last school year, I found him smoking outside the lecture hall right before writing his Psychology Stats mid-term exam. He wears a black leather jacket when it isn’t winter time. I think he drives. I—

“Kristina?”

I saw Professor Gabe’s face, a few inches from mine, looking at me dubiously.
Shit! I got caught up with my thoughts again.

“Sorry Professor Gabe,” I say with embarrassment.
“What were you thinking, Kristina? Or should I ask, who are you thinking Kristina?” then Professor Gabe subtly points his head towards sour-face’s direction.
SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! Remember I said I love Prof Gabe? I that that back, I hate Professor Gabe!
“I… I…,” (I need an excuse, I need an excuse!) “I was just imagining about Mr. Darcy.”
“Isn’t he an interesting boy?” asks Professor Gabe and it’s hard to ignore the accusing tone in his question.
And Darcy is a man!
Oh… I get it.
“Yes, that boy is very interesting,” I emulate Julianne’s devilish grin and throws it back to Prof Gabe. Hah! Take that!

Professor Gabe walks back to his desk. He seems really satisfied. WHEW! I know him now. The more I deny, the more he will insist his proposition. With those observing eyes of his, there’s no doubt he knows what my friend, Julianne, knows: I FRIGGIN’ LIKE SOUR-FACE!!!